The DLs, who are they?

By Andy Dlugosielski
Every family has some sort of lineage or history attached to their last name that means absolutely nothing in this day in age, my family, I assume was no different. Do I know what it is? God no. My last name is Dlugosielski, how many of us can there be? I’ve only stumbled upon two other Dlugosielski’s in my time, one is some track runner who can’t be related to myself since he is probably doesn’t have a drinking or emotion problem. The other guy is some guy who lives in Detroit. I found him on Facebook and sent him message, asking if he was related to me. Five days later he said he wasn’t. He’s a liar, a huge one. I’m back to square one, just who are the Dlugosielski’s? Are they more than divorces, drug problems, and poor money choices?
Enter my brother, Dan.
My brother Dan and I are actually quite the team. Whenever we enter a new town or village we are greeted with showers of gold doubloons, the finest wines and every father’s fairest daughter. My brother and I only had one real problem once we got older, we didn’t have a family lineage to be proud of, so, we made out own. Instead of being Dlugosielski’s which is just stupidly long and way to hard for people to pronounce, no matter how many times they have called your name in high school or had your brother in the exact same class before you, we just shortened it up to DL, ADL for me, and DDL for him. Since becoming DL’s we have been paving the roads for Dan’s future children (I don’t ever want kids, waste of time and fun.) in gold and empty bottles of booze.
One of the main things Dan and I have created since becoming DL’s, other than sweet celebrity dance parties, awesome dinners, and over all good times, is our own dialect.  For example, if I happen to have some brews in the fridge and Dan would like one, he would most likely say, “Yo A-D-L, lemme grip this.” This loosely translates to, “Excuse me Andrew, may I enjoy the contents of exactly one of your cans of adult beverage.” To this, I would reply, “Damn dog swang that up out the fridge on the real tip, and dabble on over with another for me.” This of coarse means “You may enjoy one of my frosty adult beverages, could please bring one for me as well on your way back?”
With these few small steps, Dan and I have given our family name meaning. Future, presents, even past generations, especially the dead ones can take solace in the fact that their lives now have meaning thanks to DDL and ADL. Our future wives will leave their dumb and terrible last names behind and become proud DL’s, an stand taller, way taller than anyone else could ever even think about standing.
-Andy Dlugosielski (ADL)